I want to wish a happy Mother's Day to all mothers as today is a day to celebrate mothers - all mothers. But I also want to wish all a day of healing and hope, as today is not always a happy day. Because if I am to be blunt and honest right now, I have to tell you that Mother's Day has not been the happiest or easiest day in my life....ever, not even today. And my assumption is for many children in foster care or who have been adopted, it is not an easy day filled with just happiness either.
The most basic hard truth of adoption I can share with anyone is "adoption is wonderful and is not easy." Sometimes, but not always, love is not enough. Many say adopt a child and love them and they will heal; but one of the biggest struggles I hear from other adoptive moms is that they were never told that just loving a child from a hard place may not be enough. So I want to share some of the hard truths we have faced in our home when we need to do more than just love our little blessing.
I first want to introduce myself: I am an adoptive parent of a child from a hard place (a child from a hard place is a child who starts life in a place without consistent caregivers, with one caregiver but not consistent care, for some it can be called neglect, for some it is abuse, for some it is multiple moves between caregivers in early life). I am also an adult who was fortunate to have seen some of the ways the US foster care system works from a teen's standpoint. What I share here is based on my experiences, feelings and what other adoptive parents have shared with me.